more tests required…
I am finally back on line today and just wanted to update you all after my meeting with the consultant last week.
It wasn’t exactly bad news. But it wasn’t the good news I wanted to hear either. I realise now that I am not going to get the “all clear” for another 5 years, if I am fortunate enough not to have a recurrence of cancer.
The CT Scan didn’t show up anything in my bowel, which is positive. But it did highlight a breast lump that needs examining. So I have to go back at some point to have that looked at. And, just to be on the safe side, I am due to have a colonoscopy as well, in case there’s anything nasty lurking inside me that the CT Scan failed to pick up.
Yes, I am disappointed as I feel I cannot yet “move on”. I have to learn to live with this uncertainty, but I’m not sure how to do this yet. I am a fighter and can cope with cancer, surgery and chemo; with each you have dates and improvement… But this feeling of “have I got cancer still?” or “is it coming back?” are hard to live with. I didn’t have any symptoms before I fell ill last year so there’s no guarantee I’ll get symptoms again if the cancer does return…
Sorry, I hope I’m not depressing you, but I don’t want to lie. This isn’t easy at all. Having both procedures mentioned above isn’t too bad because I’ve been through it all before. It’s just the not knowing that does my head in!
So, for now, I will continue alternating between blogs and restricting my time online in order to stay relaxed. I am determined to get on with my writing and to try and get on with my life as best I can. (Have already entered my first chapter of one finished novel in the Mslexia Novel competition and am planning to send the other finished novel to publishers by the end of the month – have yet to write the dreaded synopsis for it!) Please understand that it can take me a few days to approve comments and sometimes a week or so before I can return likes/visits. Thank you all for staying with me and being so supportive and encouraging. Much love Freya xxx
© Freya Pickard 2015
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Tags: breast, cancer, colonoscopy, consultant, ct scan, freya pickard, lump, meeting, tests, update
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28 September, 2015 at 1:50 pm
Just had a colonoscopy myself. the laxative the night before and interesting diet before did not help me lose weight, sadly. But the colonoscopy process is nowhere near as daunting as the “10 foot long garden hose…” mentality would make you think. I had a great anesthesiologist, and woke up in time to see the doc snip off a couple of polyps that turned out to be benign. This means anything that even started to grow they snipped off while taking a look around. now it wiil be every 3 years instead of 5 for me, but that’s ok as long as they keep it all cleaned out.
5 October, 2015 at 2:54 pm
oh goodness! yours sounds far worse than mine! I’m just going to be sedated, while they “have a look”! at least it’s just a check-up – I’m really hoping that there isn’t anything nasty there… thank you for your words – I found them really encouraging! much love Freya xxx
17 September, 2015 at 7:31 am
take care of yourself Freya!
God bless you with quick recovery.
love and hugs.
21 September, 2015 at 11:43 am
thank you Sharmishtha!
16 September, 2015 at 11:36 am
uncertainty is ever so hard to deal with , Freya, but hang in there! sending healing thoughts ❤
16 September, 2015 at 1:21 pm
thank you Francina!
15 September, 2015 at 7:02 pm
“Don’t let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy.” -Eagles, Take It Easy
Also, have you considered checking into medicinal cannabis oil? There have been stories of it curing cancer. Of course the pharmaceutical companies don’t want you to know that.
16 September, 2015 at 1:22 pm
thank you Dan – love the quote! hadn’t heard that about medicinal cannabis oil – I’d been told about grapefruit extract! until I have a positive diagnosis of cancer I’m going to keep telling myself I’m cancer free…!
16 September, 2015 at 7:13 pm
Excellent! I recommend reading “The Science of Being Well” by Wallace Wattles. You can get a free PDF version here: http://scienceofbeingwell.net
(Note: I am not affiliated with that site in any way.)
21 September, 2015 at 11:43 am
thank you Dan! will definitely check that out!
21 September, 2015 at 10:29 pm
Doo eet!
15 September, 2015 at 5:49 pm
I haven’t had the chance to read the link you sent me of the new clippings. I do intend to do so as soon as I can.
And I will continue to think positive healing thoughts for your full recovery.
Honesty is always the best – And anytime you have the strength to send and e-mail and wish encouraging words – know that myself, as I am sure there are also a few others… are always here for you.
Hugs!
16 September, 2015 at 1:23 pm
thank you Jules! I am going to write a proper letter to you very soon…!
16 September, 2015 at 2:17 pm
No worries. Take all the time you need.
Hugs!
21 September, 2015 at 11:44 am
thank you Jules!
15 September, 2015 at 4:24 pm
Fingers crossed. Keep positive. X
16 September, 2015 at 1:23 pm
thank you Elaine!
15 September, 2015 at 2:06 pm
I feel for you as uncertanty is so hard to deal with isn’t it…luckily my daughter now has the all clear and I’m sure you will it just may take that little bit longer 🙂 Try to stay positive which I know isn’t easy but you have too 🙂 Sending healing thoughts your way 🙂
15 September, 2015 at 2:31 pm
thank you so much carol! I am very relieved your daughter has the all clear – it is such a worrying thing, isn’t it? I am staying positive, but sometimes I have “weepy” days…! thank you for all your healing thoughts xxx
15 September, 2015 at 3:30 pm
But that’s ok to have ” weepy days” even someone who is perfectly fit has ” weepy ” days so don’t beat yourself up just have a weep and go forward. It is a worry but so much that can be done now and you stay positive ..take care:)
16 September, 2015 at 1:23 pm
thanks for this Carol! I’ve only ever had weepy days since I became ill last year… it’s v reassuring to know that ordinary people have these times too!
15 September, 2015 at 9:57 am
Reblogged this on purehaiku and commented:
update after my meeting with the consultant last week…