Posted tagged ‘humour’

One day I went out to fight a dragon …

4 December, 2018

I got up this morning and put on my new leggings.

“They’re nice.” Claire said brightly. “Where did you get them from?”

“The market.” I replied, pulling a purple tie-dye T-shirt over my head. “They were the last pair there!”

“Nice colours!” Abigail rolled her ‘r’s as only the Cornish can do.

“They’re my dragonscale leggings.” I told them.

They looked at each other with an ‘Oh dear, she’s off again’ look.

“And I think I’ll go and fight a dragon today!”

“Why not?” They said. “We’ve got teaching practice. See you this evening!”

Why not? I thought to myself. If there was to be a story about how dragonscales were made into leggings, how would it start? One day I went out to fight a dragon… But you don’t find dragons just anywhere. There aren’t many around nowadays.

In the Other World there’s plenty still. Of course, most of them are getting old and decrepit, but they are dragons. The thing is, they don’t live in these parts of the woods. Look at it all. Blue sky, green leaves, sunlight slanting between the tree trunks. I can hear the lilting voices of nymphs and dryads calling to each other as they flit about the streams and around the boles of trees. Walking sedately in and out of the cool shadows I see the equine forms of centaurs. And here and there gleams the finely polished horn of a unicorn. All this is very pleasant but it’s not what I’m looking for. And how did I get here anyway?!

I walk along the shady path, searching for signs of a dragon. I cannot see any fire-blasted glades, so I ask a dryad if there are any dragons nearby.

“Any what?” She looks puzzled, her green hair falling across her face.

“Dragons! You know, whopping great winged lizards that breathe fire.”

“Oh, them!” She flicks her hair back. “We haven’t seen any for years. Try the north. There might be some there.”

“Which way’s north?”

“The way you’re going.”

“Thanks!” But she’s already disappeared under a leafy branch.

Just what is going on? I’m still dressed in my tie-dye T-shirt but instead of leggings, I’m wearing jogging bottoms. I thought I was meant to be attending a lecture today. Oh, well! This place seems far more interesting!

Want to read more? Dragonscale Leggings is now available as both an e-book and a paperback at Amazon UK & Amazon US! Find out more about this novel in my video at YouTube!

 © Freya Pickard 2018

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Quirky, intriguing fairy tales!

15 September, 2018

It’s nearly Christmas! Have you stocked up yet on your holiday reading? If you haven’t, here are some suggestions that will only cost you $1 each …
If you enjoy quirky, different stories, may I suggest Xmas @ Camelot II ? It contains 10 tales of varying length, covering a variety of worlds. The stories within the volume explore Transitions, Choices and Virtual Reality …
But if you prefer romance and intrigue, why don’t you give The Essence of Thyme a try? It’s a re-working of Sleeping Beauty with two women trying wake a sleeping Prince …
And finally, if you enjoy reading fairy tales at Christmas, then I suggest The Rusalka Ritual & Other Stories. These are fairy tales with a feminist twist to them and, like traditional fairy tales, they don’t always end as you would expect!

All 3 books are available as ebooks and The Rusalka Ritual is also available to buy as a paperback.
Whatever you read, have a wonderful, enjoyable Christmas!
© Freya Pickard 2018
To navigate around this blog, simply click on the dragonscales at the top of the page and scroll down to see the options on the right handside.

Dragonscale Portraits 20171016

16 October, 2017

Freya descends from her ivory tower 10 minutes before Joey’s dinner is due…
Yay! Yay! Yay!
Freya’s here!
That means dinner will be served immediately!
Yay! Yay! Yay!
Uh, Freya, why is the kitchen door still closed?
Oh no! She’s got that black box thing that flashes in my eyes. Why? It’s dinner time!!!!

What do you mean it’s not time for dinner?
But when you float downstairs at this time of day it’s always dinner time.
It’s not fair.
You don’t love me any more…
Freya!
I’m HUNGRY!
Ow! Stop the lightning from flashing in my eyes!
I’m starting to feel really pissed off now.

Will you STOP taking photographs of me!
I’m NOT a film star.
And you’re not paparazzi.
Last time I checked, Freya, you were claiming to be an Author!
No! I won’t stand still!
I need sustenance – now!

I’m so hungry, I could eat a hamster!
Though they’re so scrawny, one wouldn’t be enough.
Maybe two or three, or maybe even four might stave off the hunger pangs.
I’m as hungry as a wolf!
And I’ve heard that wolves eat humans…
Although Freya’s a bit skinny, she’s starting to look quite appetising!
She is, after all, human, for all her prancing around with her pointy ears.
Hmmmm!

I’m bored.
I want my dinner.
I will faint if I don’t get fed soon.
Where are you going, Freya?
Is that the kitchen door opening?

Yay! Yay! Yay!
Freya’s in the kitchen!
Dinner! Dinner! Dinner!
Of course I’d never eat you, Freya!
You’re too wonderful for words!
Yay! Yay! Yay!
Biscuity-meaty smell! Heaven!
Excuse me, busy now. Have to eat…

With sincere apologies to the Dudes over at Shehanne Moore’s Blog.

© Freya Pickard 2017

Why should I conform to stereotype?

4 July, 2017

Dragonscale Leggings is a dangerous book to read.

Why? Because if you don’t have a sense of humour, hate strong female leads and don’t like fantasy worlds, you’ll be wasting your time reading it.

But, if you love all of the above, you may well find this novel a very enjoyable read! I don’t like writing about stereotypes and in this book I write about “characters that are of the classic fantasy-typical stereotype, (that) are never stereotypical” (E Leaper). I also write a “parody of the fantasy genre … lampooning its conventions and tropes” (Troy).

This is chick-lit in a fantasy world. Think Alice in Wonderland meets Bridget Jones’ Diary. Come and adventure with Dracomagan and her trusty stallion, Tygar, as they travel through the Otherworld, trying to find her memory, evade Merlin and keep on the right side of the law.

She goes about her business with a blatant disregard for the rules of the day and with a witty sarcasm that often had me laughing out loud. E Baxter

Written as a journal, there is humour and imagination, an original take on dragons, a fiercely independent female lead, and a playful twist on Arthurian legend. Fans of Gilbert and Sullivan will even get to sing along in places… F J Franklin

The tale only costs £2.40 / $3.00 at most online stores and the video about it can be found at YouTube.

© Freya Pickard 2017

A riddle, a silent castle and a green globe …

6 June, 2017

The Essence of Thyme was my first e-publication!

It is a short story about Dracomagan and her friend Parsley. In truth, it’s a re-telling of Sleeping Beauty, but with a twist. Well, quite a feminist-y twist really!

So, if you don’t like strong female characters or fantasy and don’t have a sense of humour, please DON’T buy this book!

However, you like a good laugh, enjoy tales set in a realistic, yet fantastical setting and love strong female warriors, this may be the story for you!

Travel with Dracomagan and Parsley into a forest where the thorns accept only blood as the passport to safe passage. Discover a silent castle filled with petrified statues. Agonise with Parsley over the best way to wake the handsome man asleep in the four-poster bed. And hear Dracomagan talk her way out of a compromising situation…

This is such a delightful series to read. Essence of Thyme is quirky, fun, and imaginative, and Dracomagan and Parsley are a duo to be reckoned with, potato peeler and all! Great job! K Johnston

The tale only costs 99p / 99c at most online stores and the video about it can be found at YouTube.

© Freya Pickard 2017


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