I am finally back on line today and just wanted to update you all after my meeting with the consultant last week.
It wasn’t exactly bad news. But it wasn’t the good news I wanted to hear either. I realise now that I am not going to get the “all clear” for another 5 years, if I am fortunate enough not to have a recurrence of cancer.
The CT Scan didn’t show up anything in my bowel, which is positive. But it did highlight a breast lump that needs examining. So I have to go back at some point to have that looked at. And, just to be on the safe side, I am due to have a colonoscopy as well, in case there’s anything nasty lurking inside me that the CT Scan failed to pick up.
Yes, I am disappointed as I feel I cannot yet “move on”. I have to learn to live with this uncertainty, but I’m not sure how to do this yet. I am a fighter and can cope with cancer, surgery and chemo; with each you have dates and improvement… But this feeling of “have I got cancer still?” or “is it coming back?” are hard to live with. I didn’t have any symptoms before I fell ill last year so there’s no guarantee I’ll get symptoms again if the cancer does return…
Sorry, I hope I’m not depressing you, but I don’t want to lie. This isn’t easy at all. Having both procedures mentioned above isn’t too bad because I’ve been through it all before. It’s just the not knowing that does my head in!
So, for now, I will continue alternating between blogs and restricting my time online in order to stay relaxed. I am determined to get on with my writing and to try and get on with my life as best I can. (Have already entered my first chapter of one finished novel in the Mslexia Novel competition and am planning to send the other finished novel to publishers by the end of the month – have yet to write the dreaded synopsis for it!) Please understand that it can take me a few days to approve comments and sometimes a week or so before I can return likes/visits. Thank you all for staying with me and being so supportive and encouraging. Much love Freya xxx
© Freya Pickard 2015